Today, I ran a bunch of errands with Shi Yu. For some reason, I didn't have my bike, so we both just walked wherever we needed to go. I'm glad we had time to walk around too because otherwise, I wouldn't have run into so many familiar faces from grade school and high school. Whenever I'm back home in Chicago, I always feel so darn happy. I really do. I'm away at Urbana-Champaign for so much of the year though that sometimes I feel out of place coming back. So many things change.
When I first got back from school, I see the garage door is broken and our car's not there. We still have the Geo though, which has built up significantly more dust since the last time I saw it. I enter the house, and it smells a little different. Heck! It even looks a little different like I don't recognize where I live anymore. Joe comes to greet me and gives me a few polite licks. As usual, I whisper to Joe and rub his head and play with his mustache ya dee ya dee yah. Cute, little doggie with a cute little mustache. When I'm away for school, I grow to love (or maybe miss) Joe more and more, but it feels like we grow further and further apart the longer I'm not home. I don't like having to get reacquainted with my own dog, but that's the reality of it. Just as I have to get used to Joe's dander whenever I'm back for holidays or vacation, Joe has to get used to me too. After playing with Joe for a little, I go to check the fridge just to peek inside. I find we don't buy whole milk anymore, but we have almond milk and Ensure in the fridge instead. Haha. But the strawberry shortcake popsicles are still sitting in the freezer since forever long ago. I head to the living room to put my things down and get ready for bed... except I sleep on the couch... I want to be close to my family and also, maybe that night, Joe will sleep beside me. Or I can sleep in long enough so when everyone's awake and he still wants to sleep, he has no choice but to go to me. Hehe.
The next day, as I walk or bike around the city, I feel a little lost. "Where am I again?" "Am I going north or south?" I have to re-familiarize myself with the streets and routes. I remember walking to Cermak Produce with my mom and at some point, my mind is just spinning because I have no mental map of where the heck I am. And wherever I go, there are more changes. Some roads are shoddy as always while others are newly paved. I discover old shops that have closed down and new shops that have opened up. Sometimes, I don't know what to do in my own city.
A wise friend of mine once taught me that change is the only guarantee--it is inevitable. While this is true, and I've definitely accepted that things change and people change and relationships change, I'm not always perfectly okay with it. I'm extremely grateful though that throughout the three years I've been gone, I don't feel like my friends and family have changed that much. Yeah, I haven't seen or talked to them for so long (some more than others), but I'm confident that they still love me just as they have before--and they come through for me. That's when I realize that I'm in the right place. This is my city, my home.
I like this a lot.
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