Count On Me

I've fully neglected this blog since coming back to Urbana-Champaign. A lot has gone on, but no one would really know unless you're here with me. Actually, even if you are here with me, chances are that you don't know too much of what I'm doing anyways. Even to me, there have been a lot of unpredictability, so I never really know how my week is going to go.

Why? There is sooo much that is different this year.
One of the biggest differences is that I'm here at the University, but I'm not a student. How do I spend my time? I work 20-30 hours a week, volunteer 9-16 hours a week, and dance for at least 5 hours a week. Also, I've met so many new friends at work, I volunteer with so many new faces at two hospitals, and I dance with new faces from Philippine Student Association and Asian American Association as well. Lastly, I'm living in a new apartment with a new roommate.

In previous semesters, I always made it a priority to have "me" time. As a result, I've spent a lot of time by myself....more than I have with friends. It's completely switched around this semester where I'm not really getting any "me" time, but I'm really loving getting to know all these new people and have new experiences. I actually really enjoy that though. It's really a great thing, and I'm loving everything about it.

I'm feeling more and more confident with myself as a social being. Like, I can meet new people and have a good time. I don't need to already know people there because I'm learning that I can carry a conversation fine with people I've never met before. It's nice to know that about yourself, nawwmeen. Even professionally. At the hospitals, I interact with all the therapists in the rehab unit as well as all the patients that are there. It's fun to form relationships with the therapists I work with and the patients as well (even if it's only for a week or two).

I'm feeling more and more confident that I can keep in touch with people. I'm talking to friends more and making plans. I've got schedules lunch dates with a few close friends. I'm actually the one proposing to "catch up" instead of waiting for others to do it. When I see people, we make spontaneous plans and we go through with it. I can imagine these college friendships surviving past college.

I feel connected to these people. I feel connected to this University.

On the other hand though, I realize I've lost connection with my loving family. I haven't texted my cousins. I didn't know what was really going on back home until I talked to Becky like a week ago. They didn't really know what I was doing here... I never called them or continued my blog. I'm a bit disappointed in myself to be honest. And I think the only reason I'm reflecting on this now is because I heard "Count On Me" by Bruno Mars, I'm looking at family photos, I had such a wonderful weekend with three of my best friends (Carmen, Jeff, and Tree). And it just made me miss shit. Period. I miss shit. I miss my family. I feel bad for being so absent and far away. I miss my friends, who I haven't talked to for like more than an hour over this semester. I miss Carmen, who I've spent as much time over the weekend as I could with, but I didn't really hang out with her when she was a student here.

Gah. There's so much more, but yeah.... I'm just ranting. It's about time. I'm done being content with everything and being content with myself---even if it means I'm just with myself. I'm gonna try to reach out a bit better, keep in touch a bit better, and still do "me". That's a real balance right there!

I'm done babbling. I hope this post doesn't sound negative, because it really hasn't been a negative semester. Overall, everything is so beautiful, and I'm really grateful for all the experiences and opportunities that I've had. Most of everything has just been so great! I'm not regretting anything. I'm just reassessing where I am and where I want to go from here.

Okay. Goodnight! Peace! Love!